Anheuser-Busch Clamato Chelada

Case File: Flows like music. If there is such a thing as negative assonance or reverse consonance, “Anheuser-Busch Clamato Chelada” is up for an award. What was missing from regular Bud Lite? Oh, of course, tomato sauce. I would love to have been a fly on the wall inside Anheuser-Busch's marketing department when they laid this thing out; a boiler room full of chain smoking suits buying mortgage-backed securities on Blackberries and pouring cans of V-8 into red cups overflowing with Bud Lite and Red Bull. According to Anheuser-Busch, Clamato Chelada was inevitable given the unbeknownst to the world overwhelming demand from the United States’ Latin American community:

"[D]ue to their tremendous test market success, adults across the country are clamoring to enjoy this convenient, great-tasting drink. “This is a recipe that combines cultures and flavors,” said Ana Vitrano, product manager, Anheuser-Busch, Inc. “Budweiser, Bud Light and Clamato are all highly respected brands that, when combined, produce the authentic-tasting recipe many Latinos love. It’s la combinación perfecta!”

The perfect combination. I imagine you'll say a lot of things when you're standing in the hot parking lot of Anheuser Busch’s Ciudad Juarez branch with a gasoline-soaked tire around your neck.

Problem: It is a little known fact -arguably known only to me- that the touch screen menus behind the counter at Flash Taco on the corner of Milwaukee and Damen have internet access. I know this because one night at 3AM the chef flipped it around, hit minimize, and the entire burrito menu dissolved into a grainy uncensored YouTube video of a Mexican cartel execution.